Over a year ago my ex/mother of three of my four children threw her life away to a crack addiction. As a result of her drug use, & constant police contact for domestic violence, Child Protective Services (CPS) became involved. At the time of this unfortunate incident our three children were living with her. CPS eventually notified me of their involvement & intention to "relieve" us of our rights as parents.
Somehow CPS came to the conclusion that I was responsible for the mistreatment of my own children, simply by not evacuating the kids from this unsafe environment. In other words I should've removed my kids from this situation in order to avoid any legal actions that may have been taken against me. I accept responsibility for nothing! I am guilty of being a teenage parent.
I don't know if being older in this same situation would've helped me avoid such a drastic outcome, but hindsight is 20/20. I honestly had no idea I could just pick my children up from their mothers one day with no plans of returning them, ever. As a matter of fact, I have made an attempt to remove my children from the ignorant environment of their mother, & her mother as well, to only have the authorities called & the children returned while I was sent to jail.
Eventually CPS took us both to court. They all but severed my ex's rights from not only our children, but others she had after our separation. CPS asked us both to jump through a number of hoops in order to regain ground as the legal parents of our own children.
At first I was reluctant. I didn't think I had to do anything the courts asked of me. I felt that I didn't smoke crack & endanger the lives of my children, so why should my freedom be jeopardized. All I was guilty of was not kidnapping my children from their mom & letting her destroy her life on her own. Had I known I could legally take my children from their mom based on her actions I would have done it long before any of this took place. CPS looked at me like this information came in the pamphlets on how to be a parent, handed out in hospitals across the nation upon the birth of your child.
I had to submit to drug testing & parenting classes. I felt like I was back on probation because the mother of my children was an idiot. Drug testing was nothing. I dropped dirty for weed a few times then quit altogether for the sake of our well being as a family. Parenting classes were easy & rather entertaining at times. I completed the required amounts of parenting classes suggested & received a certificate.
Upon the one year mark of CPS involvement, we had a mediation. There were other mediation's in between but this one was the most critical. CPS was somewhat satisfied with my hoop jumps & disappointed by those of my children's mother, no surprise. They told her she could not see our kids without supervision conducted by their agency. They informed me I could continue to jump through their hoops for another year or so, or find guardianship through my family. My lawyer informed me that once the guardianship was established CPS would no longer be involved in my life, & I would no longer have the legal right as a parent to my children.
I felt like the sooner CPS was not involved, the better. I figured once my sister or mother had the kids we were good. It would be nothing for them to curtail the legal proceedings, get the kids back to a normal life, & before you know it I can be reunited with my children. Damn, was I wrong!
I never stopped to think my family would approach this situation from a beneficial standpoint. My sister could now claim more people on her taxes, & after filling a chapter 11, this was a gift in disguise. My mother, who in her old age, can't really work full time. Although my mom chooses to work as a nanny for a couple of families, she can't do anything that requires full-time labor. Now, with my boys at her place, my mother can extend her food stamp income & use more of her own money for the frivolous shopping & returning she seems to love so much.
So here I sit on Father's Day, with my three year old daughter, & her loving mother. I received a text from one of my two sons saying Happy Father's Day & called him to tell him I love him. I got no call from the older of my two boys & not a word from their sister, my oldest. I suggested to my mother that she bring the boys to my house so we can spend the day together. Mom didn't seem to like the idea of driving all the way to my house to drop off my boys. Although mom did invite me to my sister's house, on the other side of town, to go swimming. The lack of A/C in my car, & the middle of another Arizona summer make that drive seem unreasonable today. I usually make that trip with no complaint, but it's Father's Day & I thought it might be okay to ask for the children to spend time with me. Apparently not.
My sister seems to think my 13 year old daughter can do whatever she wants. Sis thought it was a bad idea for my daughter to have to spend time with her Dad on Father's Day. My daughter was asleep when I called & I asked my sister to have my daughter call me, but nothing still. Somehow it's appropriate for this little girl to wear thong under ware, according to my sister, but hang out with her Pops on Father's Day is unreasonable. What was I thinking!?
I feel like things can only get worse from this point on. My children don't recognize the need for discipline or structure in their life, as most tweens & teens don't. My mother & sister seem to think that spoiling these kids is the best thing for them. My sister already raised my 18 year old nephew this way, & has the holes in her walls & doors of her home to show how effective it is. I feel as if I am the perfect example of what happens when you spoil a child but my mom still makes the same mistakes with my boys.
My kids don't even really want to be around me. I know most kids their age start to stray from their parents at this age but this is when the adults in their life need to step in & guide them in the right direction. It seems my mother & sister couldn't be more happy doing the opposite. Now I know why the men they had children with are no longer in their lives. It is almost impossible to reach a common ground with these two women. What is a father to do?
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